A FEUDALIST FAQ:
Good answers for bad questions that you never asked.
What is feudalism?
Feudalism is a political/economic system that has had a very long history. It was common in ancient China, mediaeval Europe and has had forms in various other cultures throughout human history. The system had distinct castes where lower orders gave allegiance to higher ones. The castes were determined by birth, i.e., they were hereditary. This system meant that the best had offspring, and these offspring, also being the best, the society was ruled by the best. The society was ruled by the highest, the king, then by the aristocrats, then by serfs. The aristocrats were a class of great men who guided their society to glory, through slavery, murder and oppression of lower people. The aristocracy essentially created a golden age for Europe.
Why the aristocracy?
Aristocracy has been advocated by such great philosophers as Friedrich Nietzsche and John Calvin. Aristocrats have scientifically been proven to be greater humans than the average. They have better genes that have allowed them to create huge advances in the spheres of science, math, politics and economics. They have never been thanked for the invention of gravity, science, logic and taxation. The great philosophers all believed in this system, and unlike serfs, they know what they're talking about. So just stop trying to think logically and support a system that was endorsed by Nietzsche™and Calvin,™ people who know stuff. Because our ideology is endorsed by people with big names on big books in big libraries published by big companies, you know we're right.
What do you all want anyway?
We want five things:
- An absolute monarchy ruled by J-Dawg Shamshake the 1st, king of the Shamites.
- A society based on two castes 1. the aristocrats and 2. the serfs.
- Creation of a barter economy with the West India tea company as the chief employing force
over the world. - Execution of all trees and caribou because they affect croquet.
- Annexation of Canadia, Canada, those pesky colonies, Ireland, Russia, that country called Europe, that city called Africa and the whole, whole, whole world of Asia into our great nation when we take power.
Where does your name come from, does it mean anything?
Our name comes from a Monty Python skit called "Woody and Tinny words" where they outline our political ideology for us. Caribou Gone is the war cry of the protagonist when he destroys the Caribou who is eating his croquet hoops. So yes, it's the "battle cry of freedom."
What is Caribou Gone?
Caribou Gone is a movement dedicated to the liberation of the aristocracy from the 99% who have recently been oppressing the rest of society, the 1% through demands for civil rights, privacy, and freedom.
What's the joke?
No joke. We're totally cereal. In fact we're SUPER, SUPER, SUPER cereal.
What would the future be like if you won?
Imagine George Orwell's Nineteen-eighty-four, minus some civil rights, plus air pollution and plus a snazzy upper class made up of English aristocrats. If you can't, just watch the Monty Python sketch "Woody and Tinny words." In that skit, all people will find illumination. They will see the world anew and understand the plight of the bourgeoisie and the evils of the proletariat. They will get copies of Marx's books, read them, then read Lenin. They will see some flaws, but then they will join the CGRVP. (Caribou Gone Revolutionary Vanguard Party) If we win, there will be order and there will be no unemployment because all people who are not part of the 1% will work for no money, (free labor always profits so, you'll always have a job) as serfs. The 1% will do the hard work, which is to talk loudly, laugh loudly and drink tea.
Are you racist?
No, we simply believe that animals are inherently racist because animals are stupid. The more educated they are, the less racist they are. We do also believe that aristocrats can be any race, and that aristocrats are better than normal humans. The classification is based off of human racism, transported to other species.
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